Post #31- GUEST POST- It took me so long to find out, I found out...

Thump, thump,…is this on? Hi my name is Todd. Not the same Todd as the one who usually writes in this spot, but another one.

Before I begin I'd like to thank the Todd that owns this blog. (Does one actually own a blog?) He was looking for guest bloggers and I thought it might entice me to start my own eventually. Although if he was looking for guests, and I accepted, maybe he is supposed to thank me? Whatever.

I'm going to be a smidge older than most of you reading this, and by smidge I'm talking 25 plus years older. Someday maybe I'll do another guest spot and tell all the crazy, cute little secrets about your friend Todd, but not today.

A few nights ago my wife and I went to 30-year high school reunion.

It wasn't the actual reunion, but a gathering the night before the reunion at a local Beef O Brady’s. I never go to the banquet and formal part of the reunions as they tend to be a bit boring and never have enough alcohol there. The turn out at Beefs was amazing and as I pulled up into the parking lot, I couldn't believe the amount of cars outside.

Now if you haven't glazed over at the fact that you may actually survive 30 years past your high school graduation, then come with me as we journey into Beefs....

As we enter, the girl in charge of the reunion is there, handing out name tags "That’s Brilliant" I think to myself. The entry way is jammed with people writing their names, and as I wait for mine I get a squeeze on my arm "Todd! Heyyy!!!" a tall, sort of familiar face of a woman beams a big smile. At this moment, I have no idea who she is, and my brain goes into rapid mode, in the span of 3 seconds my thoughts; shit..... Who is she? How did she know me so fast.... She is so tall..... Her hair is covering her damn nametag.... Buy more time.......

"Hey youoooooo" I say

.... Rapid mode again. Ok she knows me... It's been thirty freekin years.... How can she know ME and me not know her? .... Oh wait, do I still look like I did thirty years ago?! ...... Burst of confidence...... Panic.... is this whole night going to be this way? ........

"It’s Trisha Morgan,” she said, and it was! I remembered, " I know! Trish, you look great" and we hugged. And she did. In high school she was gangly and flat chested, and a bitch! But, very popular, but now she looked great.

Ok, nametag on we trudged on. Handshakes, hugs and high fives, something in my brain kicked in and I started remembering. It was like walking through the halls at school, only everyone was so.... Old. The feeling is hard to explain, especially to a bunch of college age people reading this blog, but it was very surreal seeing old buddies you forgot were your buddies, and girls you thought were hot in high school that were now bugly, fat and old. Poor things. Thank God for the five-beer bucket for ten bucks at Beef’s.

As the night, and the five beer buckets wore on, I started to feel pretty good. I found myself chatting with everyone and having a great time.

I found the guy who was my very best friend since the sixth grade. He introduced me to his fiancé, who was at his side pretending to enjoy herself. She would be his fourth wife. Tim never had much luck with women, he had even dated the woman I eventually married but she could never take her eyes off his best friend, and well, things didn't work out. Anyway, Tim had a cast iron stomach, let me rephrase that; Tim thought he had a cast iron stomach. He would pull up in my driveway to pick me up for school at 6 am drinking a big gulp soda four out of five days a week. It’s really no wonder that Tim's claim to fame was that he once made a grown man vomit, just due to the smell of one of his farts. True story. We had some great times together, however tonight wasn't one of them. He was as boring as a stick.

I moved on, Hey there's Joe Spivey. Had a beard in 7th grade, and back hair!

I see Lil, wow, the hot Cheerleader. Spandex should be illegal or least carry a weight limit.

Nancy looked good, and so did Amy. I don't know that guy. Or that guy. There must be two hundred people in here. Then I thought about the poor bastard that just wanted to get a cold beer at Beefs and wandered into this wrinkle fest!

I leaned back, slightly buzzed and very amused at how the evening had gone.

And then I spotted him; I had no idea I had gone to school with Willie Nelson! Straw cowboy hat, Jean shirt, torn jeans, rattlesnake skin boots that were so pointy there is was no way he could have toes. Totally gray, trim beard. Long gray hair. As I stared at this guy he turned slowly and his eyes found mine. His eyes widened and he raised his hand and pointed a scraggly finger at me.

He smiled a wide, very toothless smile. (In fairness he had one single tooth that hung down lower than it seemed it should) "You old son of a bitch!! " he hollered.

This withered fuck of a man called me old. Correction, hollered me old!! Ouch.

And just at that moment I knew him. Joe Borris. Holy shit, time was NOT kind to this man. He sauntered over to me, hand and scraggly fingers outstretched, for a second I thought he was wearing spurs as his boots kind of scuffed and jangled across Beefs outside wood deck. As we shook hands I marveled at his strong grip, and at the fact his hand was just like course grit sandpaper.

"Todd." he said smiling toothlessly.

" Joe" I said, with a nine beer, flawlessly white toothed, spectacularly perfect smile. "You look great Joe." I lied

"You look like hell" he lied too.

We chatted and laughed and busted each others chops, he said he was a fisherman, had been for 28 years , "look at this" he says as he holds up this giant sharks tooth that was dangling from his neck. (How could I have not seen that ridiculous thing hanging there.)? And I ask him, because he wants me to." so... You saying you caught the shark that owned that tooth?"

"How do you think I lost my teeth? ,came flyin up into the boat."

And for a second the irony strikes me that he traded all of his for one of the sharks, but then he grins and his ridiculous low hanging single tooth shows and I realize...

" Most people believe it when you tell them that Joe?" I ask.

"Most" he says

"It’s good to see you Joe" and it was.

Thanks Dad! Hope you all enjoyed! If you want to do a guest post, please let me know. I've also been seeking out specific people that I think would fit well with what I know you guys would want to read. Thanks for reading!

_ToDD

Post #30- Nobody said it was easy...

Hey everyone! The feedbacks been pointing to the fact that I kind of lost everyone on my last couple posts. Apparently my "poetry" needs work, or the masses don't want to read it, but I wouldn't have known unless I tried. However, some people did indeed like it so, the possibility of seeing more is high, but I don't think I'll do it by itself anymore.

BIG NEWS! As of now I have two different people willing to write in guest blog posts, its something I saw someone else doing and I thought it'd be a fun way to get regular "readers" to contribute to something they obviously spend the time to read. Why not? If you are interested please I invite you to contact me either commenting below or through facebook. However, if

you already know my contact information feel free to send me something anytime, no need to ask or anything, I really do invite EVERYONE so I hope to be overwhelmed lol.

Every now and then you find yourself in extremely embarrassing situations and it's important to use your sense of humor, it is the only thing that can save you...

Whereas this could have ended badly with her original disgust I decided to continue to embarrass myself in the hopes that she'd laugh. She did. I imagine 'at' me not 'with' me, but I'm ok with that. This is when I realized that I am a magnet for odd situations. Disastrous haircuts, angry career advisors, dreams about mob bosses, and the occasional death trap of a room. So I bought a helmet. Problem solved.

It has been so hot lately! I walking to the stadium today drenched in sweat. This is like an across campus hike. No water, and one everything bagel to my name that journey was trying. I was headed to the dreaded Office of Financial Aid. A place I'm not sure why it exists because the absolutely can never help you! Someone on the round table of schools stood up chain mail rattling, and sword clanking against his other more predominate armor.

"Let us create an office that does nothing!" He exclaimed as the others nodded in approval a very noisy wave of clinking echoed throughout the high ceilinged concrete castle walls. So many eons later there stood the useless brain child of some knight from who knows where. ANYWAYS... Skipping the story of frustration from dealing with my nasally friend lets say James from Financial Aid, I will continue from after that ordeal. The hike back from the stadium was about to begin! As if on climbing to Mordor in its burning hot glory, I trekked across campus. When suddenly I came across the most miraculous puddle. It looked cool in the hot sun, animals had gathered to drink, birds were bathing, children dancing and splashing it was paradise! I couldn't wait the urge came over me like a craving for a Snickerdoodle cookie, I could not resist. And then I was like...

Well thats all for me for today, and I look forward to the guest posts and you should too! Glad you stuck around and read what I have to say, it means a lot. Say hi to someone you haven't spoken to in forever someday this week, who knows you may realize why you were ever friends to begin with! :)

_ToDD

Post #29- Lend me your eyes I will change what you see...

It’s hard to say just how I move or how I came to be but I did. From the depths of your body I split away from the rolling and tumbling of organic materials, I passed through a series of tubes, pumps, four way stops, traffic lights, and crosswalks. I shimmied into position and awaited a task so mundane, compared to the brilliance that was the machine that sent forth my existence. I was constructed from biology to display your emotions.

Launched from position I set forth gliding along my brothers and sisters stretched to form your skin. How well they do their task despite your layering and prodding, and your use of chemicals and tools. Your nose forms a slide rocketing me quickly to the corner of your mouth. I greet the masses that form your lips. I realize how rugged they appear doesn't really explain how soft they feel, and I roll on. Little tiny hairs that explain that certain softness in your skin delay my travels. This world is cold and for a moment I wish that things can return to how they once were. However, I know that even as this moment passes and feelings fade what has been done cannot be erased. We live in a world of scars and marks- not perfection. No remedy is strong enough to completely heal any blemish, but one would not know seeing the terrain I've traveled.

I can see more like me exiting from above as I drop from your chin. The air around me bends my form. I'd never guess that all this time to lead up to something so short and sad. Forget not this day it has been my duty to die for expression, a task I will never regret.

_ToDD

Post #28- Hi, my name is Todd....

I have an affinity for feminine music,

I care what you say about me,

I love the idea of commitment, but I usually argue with myself if it's worth wasting my time,

I don't like people who are nice out of habit,

I hate it when people aren't honest, and I rarely do anything that won't also benefit myself.

I'll be one of the best friends you have,

I'm hilarious,

You can rely on me for anything,

I won't tell you what you 'want' to hear,

I wan't you to like me and I'll go pretty far out of my way to make that happen.

You'll get annoyed with my sarcasm,

I like to mess with people I find it entertaining,

I'm stubborn,

I have a lot of friends and about half of them understand me,

I don't understand how to meet girls it just kind of happens, and I think clubs are the worst places on earth.

The worst times in my life wind up becoming my best moments,

I am very well spoken, I just rarely know what to say,

I will surprise you when you get to know me,

I don't fear death, I fear what I'll leave behind,

I Don't really understand the concept of being 'lovesick', but it comes up a lot.

If I go too long without fishing or being at the beach I start to twitch,

I usually bounce between hating myself, and thinking I'm the coolest person I know,

I should get paid for being the devil's advocate, I'd spend the money on a new pair of shoes,

I have a great memory, and bad hearing- together I'll retain as much as anyone else,

This is who I am and I'm ok with that. Who are you?

_ToDD

Post #27- Tune ups...

Hey everyone. I realize that my posts have been more spread out than usual. Well, actually how long do you have to continually do something before it becomes "the usual"? I don't know either. Regardless, I'm here now. I hope, for those of you who follow my facebook page, you have noticed that I've been dabbling in some music writing. If you are just learning this I encourage you to check out some of my rough drafts on my facebook page. Moving on to other things...

Yesterday was my best friends 21st birthday so, although I did in person, I'd like to wish him a happy birthday! This is however also the preface to a story. We went to a little place out by the beach where we grew up, nothing aesthetically amazing or anything, but nonetheless chill. There was a lady outside playing the guitar. So, we all pulled up a chair and enjoyed ourselves basking in the pleasures of live music. She would play a few songs then go off on a tangent about some little story she had and it was very relaxed. However, one particular story struck me. Not at the time really as much as it does now, but thats beauty of recollection. She pulled out this beautiful semi hollow guitar (super jealous), it was a dark wood and in the dark it looked like a black neck (very Beatles... even more jealous). She began to tune it and began to explain how hard it was to keep that particular guitar in tune originally. Swung over her torn jeans the guitar waved around slightly as she tuned and continued to speak. She said that she had to tune it b/w every song she played. She went on to say in the soft light of the makeshift stage "Until one year I'was in Miami playin' show. The wind was blowin' real bad. N' it was so bad it blew this here guitar right off the stand, and it cracked right at the head here n' was danglin'". She described how terrible of a day it was. It was strange because she seemed to be really upset about that still, but she went on to say that she brought it to "My guy" and he fixed up really well for her. Well, it turns out that after that the guitar tuned perfectly and she never had a problem with it again. Why is this significant? Ok. Well, when I first heard it I took it at face value: she broke a guitar that didn't work well, it was bad she fixed it, and then it worked better than it ever had. It's usually pretty to easy to put up with somethings that are difficult in your life. Then all the sudden the shit hits the fan and you find yourself in a time of crisis with your favorite piece hanging by six strings. Your immediate solution (and maybe even the one you do the first time) is to glue back on and seal it with some duct tape and hope it don't give you an issue again. If you make that choice you will be quite pleased actually. It won't break again for a while unless you're completely careless. However, on another windy day it will break again. Its unfortunate that you can continue these first two steps forever, playing away and retuning as needed although everyday you play it you see the tape and every time you have to retune it you know why. Every now and then you'll gripe about it and then before you know it, broken again. However, you can pick up your pieces and realize that this old thing needs more serious help, and move on. You're going to have your freak outs in life, you're gonna make

your corrections, and other things you're just going to ignore because it's easier. As I have been doing and I know I've said this before but, I ask you to look at yourself, what are you ignoring?

I'd like to wish everyone a happy father's day, if you are a dad or a god father like myself. I actually got to see my godson today and like a true godson he said "Hedo Toddfather" and handed me a six pack of beer. Boom.

Nothing funny for you today though :( Sorry! I think I've been doing a lot though song writing and introspective thinking... its hard stuff dude. As usual here's a tune from nobody particularly significant.... or is it? Thanks again for reading, I love all of you...

_ToDD

Post #26-Some producer with computers, fixes all my shitty tracks...

Hey, everyone! I really did mean for there to be a post way sooner. I've been making a few transitions both physically and mentally that have been a blockage to my writing and for this I apologize. Another thing postponing my posts is the fact that I am attempting to write a short story which has not been going as well I want either. It was coming out way darker than I was comfortable and I am losing track of my plot so I think I am going to put it on the shelf for now.

On to other things, I always seem to relay things that help me feel better about certain things, not regularly but certainly when they come up. It can get really easy to get down on yourself and frustrated with the way things are going. Whether you blame yourself or something else(I normally blame myself), feeling this way can set the mood of your day. It can effect your decisions and how other people perceive you. Being unhappy is unhealthy. Physical activity can do a lot to negate these types of feelings especially when you are unsure of the origin of such feelings. I've been working out daily except of course weekends and running every other day. It's like a miracle solution for your mind and makes you look good too! Of course your entitled to disagree some people hate working out, but it doesn't hurt to get outside and take a jog!

The other day a young, devilishly handsome (may I add) and also quite sick Italian boy falls asleep. Surrounded in a sea of tissues and cough drop wrappers, he slipped quickly into a nyquil induced dream. "Hey Tony, you get the spaghetti from my mother?" Said Vinny a tall man wearing a silvery suit with a black collared shirt. His stomach billowed over his belt, and his Italian Horn necklace was softly braced by his noticeable tuft of chest hair. "Listen Vin, I'll go to your mother's after our thing with Lou. I don't know why you can't just go" Retorted Tony a slender young kid with his hair greased back. You wouldn't have thought he was the type to be where he was. Tony was the kind of kid you should see on TV or the movies with a cigar in his mouth and effortlessly breaking the hearts of millions of girls young and old. He knew that Vinny hated his mother and would do anything to avoid her, but he hated how much it inconvenienced him. "Shut up. Here he comes" Both men sat up from the very fancy looking black Cadillac they were leaning on. "You gentlemen have a lot on your minds?" Said Louie a short round man, whose jewelry and very expensive suit only spoke towards some of his power. Noticing how on edge they both were Tony and Vinny relaxed a little and leaned back on to the Caddy. Vinny began "Look Lou-". "Thats Mr. Danzoni to you, you disrespectful piece of shit!" Louie Danzoni is old school Mafia, or as Tony and Vinny thought of it just "old Mafia" and the truth of the matter was that Louie's way of doing things was running out the front door just as fast as the people who upheld it. The drug game took over the Mafia and the players were dirty, something that the Danzoni family and few others were able to adapt to and survive. The fact is the prohibition for the Danzoni family were the good old days and even though Louie was only a young teenager at the time he could remember the old days just as well as each dead body it took him to get where he was today. "Alright gang, I ain't got the time for your yappin'. I didn't come here to make a deal either. You tell Francis, he's got three days to give me my money, or he'll become the aquariums newest underwater attraction." Lou let off a little smile, being a big time mobster had its certain perks and inventing new threats was one of Mr. Danzoni's favorites. "Mr. Danzoni, look we ain't come down here to make a deal either. Mr. Ccenzio, told me to tell you that although the families run deep, times is changin' for the Danzoni's... Come on Vinny." Just as fast as Mr. Danzoni's confidence, the black cadillac faded into the night. There was a lot of things that Louie knew. Some of which were that the Ccenzio family was busy, he had underestimated him, and although Tony was young- he was not bluffing.... Somewhere off in the distance a song played and it was growing louder. Louie Danzoni shifted his eyes to the moon. The place was Ronnie Q's, a place where Louie met his wife, there was something special about that place after all these years. Even though it was run down and hardly got any business, the music never changed. However, he never remembered it being this loud...

10:05... He really doesn't want to wake up. His eyes feel quite heavy, he can tell that they will be very hard to open. The alarm clock continued to wail some oldies songs into his dorm room. Finally the eyes pry open. Instinctually he reaches over and flicks off the clock radio. Just then he notices something. Red. Somethings terribly wrong. Floundering in his sea of tissues, the young boy threw back his covers and was greeted by blood! His entire shirt was covered in blood, and the origin was completely unknown. Had the Ccenzio family got to him? How could he be so unprepared!? Wasn't that just a dream!? Looking back down at his shirt, he realized the flow from his face was still continuing and then it dawned on him that this, was his blood. He frantically searched the room for evidence. He's been the victim of a sniper or some sort of violent crime. He dove out of bed tripped on a pair of sneakers, pulled of his bloody shirt and stumbled to the door. The mirror revealed all there was to know. He stared into the mirror as blood flowed down his lips and dripped off his chin...

A sinus infection has a way of causing nosebleeds especially when you are blowing your nose constantly. So in case you ever wake up with a nosebleed try not to panic... Moving out of my dorm was way harder when it was covered in blood.

Short and sweet I'd say. Thanks for reading! Hopefully I can do a longer post soon, I've been really busy. I love the feedback so keep it coming! Feel free to join the facebook group for my blog which there's a link on the right side of this post, also my twitter @angrytoothbrush both of these I post updates when I write a new blog! Again thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!

_ToDD

Post #25- Crucio...

Hey everyone! Sorry it's been a while since my last post. Haven't really felt up to making one to be quite honest. With a cocktail of being somewhat depressed, sick and lazy mixed with the end of a very exhausting term I have found little use in trying to strain my brain for any humor. There is something about humor, however that I cannot avoid. Even in the worst of times it finds me almost like a curse. I can say that I am blessed that whenever I am most closest to giving up humor flies in the window so fast it almost kills me. Before leaving my gasping almost lifeless body it smiles down upon me and exits. Leaving me not only hysterical in laughter but also bitterly aware that I cannot ever be upset for long. Despite my bittersweet recognition of the cruel sense of humor life has been cursed to live out, I accept this and usually pass it on to you.

I mentioned last blog that I had given up Facebook for lent, and managed to teach myself a bit about twitter. In my down time I've managed to read all seven Harry Potter books among almost uncountable other personal achievements. This being said, not to boast of course, but rather instead to warn. Giving up Facebook is a miserably foolish endeavor, one would be more suited separating oneself from their head. People no longer have phones to communicate, they have them to use Facebook. Distancing yourself from it is like distancing yourself from every friend you ever made. Something I can say I have never ever done, keeping in contact and being there for people is something I've always been good at and possibly attached to. Upon learning that I am a person that can be non-dependant on other people, you get to learn a lot about yourself you did not know, and may not like. Unless you are willing to face these demons, I urge you to follow the beaten path. I can say that I have managed to do this "soul searching" with much emotional difficulty. I have however emerged, tired, scarred, slightly tattered, yet remarkably stronger. Coupled with this realization however is a swampy lagoon of doubt, doubt that the decisions made have indeed been for the better up until that point. Almost like realizing halfway through a problem or experiment the formula you've been using is terribly wrong. Life has a way of fixing this and that is the impossibility to change what is done and the requirement, then, for progression. Leaving you with my very vague realization we can now move on.

As I mentioned earlier I was quite ill and am still recovering. Nothing serious just allergies and I can admit that I get them worst than most. Certain throat swelling, congestion both chest and nasal, coughing, and the lack of sleep are all things I can look forward to at least once a year. Sometimes as it had in the past it can indeed lead to other much more serious things that have lead me very close to termination. Although this is not what you may have had in mind, this is one of those occasions. Being in business school like I am, it is a good idea to be exposed to job interviews and other social activities. An assignment was presented to my class in the form of a graded job interview, with formal dress as a must to pass. My swollen lymph-nodes and I chose a lovely blue button down shirt to be accompanied by a grey suit and matching tie. Paying no mind to my physical condition I buttoned up my lovely blue shirt. Blue a color that shows that although I am in a suit I am certainly not intimidating, I am easy to talk to and know my sense of style. I however did not believe it was an omen of very rapidly approaching death. With each button one by one approaching my neck, seemed to hammer in the nails of my coffin. My fingers weakly push the threaded buttons into their appropriated notches. The sound of the plastic roughly rubbing against the fabric was like a sharp sound of The Grim Reaper's cloak sweeping over my extremely neglected, dusty, sticky and crusted kitchen floor approaching my room. Unsuspectingly I continue, extending an open invitation to the taker of life. Carefully as to miss none, I check the mirror to monitor my progress. As if pulling on my own dark black hood of the executioner I fasten the second to last button around my weak sore neck. Having been coughing straight for three days, it can leave noticeable physical differences in ones body: Sore shoulders, neck, abs and back are just a few. Leaving my room and to the bathroom mirror for a more full view I see that I have missed no buttons and it is time to tie my tie. Unknown to me, however a swift cold fell over the room, boney fingers grip the door frame to force the entrance to the place of imminent death. Many times in my life has it lead me to tying a tie. Even now I can remember watching my father as a young boy, in his unbearably stiff shirts and the almost automatic swooping motions of his silk ties as they fluttered gracefully through the air and almost as if through magic lay quite suddenly still. The shape, of a beautifully and meticulously constructed tie. For centuries man has adorned this simple display of status, respect for oneself, and conformity. He was a man like many before him and almost as if in mirror image of him I constructed that exact same symbol. Little did I know, I was not alone in fact my eternal taker was quite near to perform his favorite task of asphyxiating his prize. Like a man with no thought of his actions I sealed my last act in the form of a shirt button waiting to be covered by one of the most coveted aforementioned symbols. At first its effects were not observed. The brain takes time to realize the data shooting in from all areas of the body. The adams apple being pushed into my throat caused quite a common tickle in recent days which caused a rather familiar cough. This uncontrollable cough however positioned my throat in a perfect way that cut off air from my lungs. Immediately as if a man resisting his last wish for death, I frantically try to unbutton my top shirt button. For what seems countless attempts it would not come off. Weakened by a ceaseless cough and lack of air my attempts become much more feeble and then something strange happened. In reaction to this heaving caused by cough and gasping due to lack of air I began to vomit. Crawling to the toilet with one hand tending to my collar and the other grappling to the tile and feet desperately kicking I managed to arrive at my location. A man's last act on earth, is like none I've ever read about. Some say you see nothing but a white light, others a flash of the past, and some say a looming darkness. Nay, on this grave day all that could be seen is the putrid color of my sick, a stinky neglected toilet, and a boney white face laughing at my despair. As far as what was going through my head, well maybe it is right your life flashes before your eyes for some, I however experienced something a little different. My first thought was of what this miserable place would look like when I was found. Would death still be perched on the toilet looking down at my overdressed yet lifeless body? I also thought about how stupid people are going to think that I am that I would button something this tight over my throat and then be unable to remove it. I thought about a zillion times I've gone wrong and knew it, and then thought about the zillion more that I didn't know it. I started thinking about my lasts: Last meal, conversation, thing to make me happy, thing to make me sad. I thought about my last hug from a friend and last kiss from someone I liked or loved. This all soundtracked by the uncontrollable vomiting/coughing/ gasping, and a deep hollow cackling laugh from the reaper that stood before me. In one last fleeting attempt to regain all that was mine my fingers dug at my collar hoping for freedom. Eyes bulging, lungs deflated, throat burning and covered in sweat. In what would be my very last moment I looked up and realized how ugly this bathroom truly was and in turn how ugly death truly was. As my eyes rolled back into my head, it happened. One finger, I always like to think it was the middle, freed my collar from the terrible seal on the letter of my resignation that was my collar button. In an instant it seemed The Grim Reaper himself fled in fear and a burst of oxygen entered my lungs. I stayed knelt over the toilet in my miserably ugly bathroom for what seemed forever. Then I got up continued to get dressed and went to my class- top button undone.

Although I presented that story to you with an air of comedic dramatization, most of it is true. I did almost die for I was cut off from air due to the unexpected tightness of my shirt collar which was probably due to the swelling that takes place due to allergies, and thats my best explanation.

I have more tales saved up for the telling, but that just means you will have to read my next blog. I do not foresee that being too soon, with oncoming exams and moving into a house that I will be living in this summer and next year. I am very happy, however that you came back to read and I love hearing that people read this. I've been very delightfully surprised to hear from both strangers, and friends new and old that read my blog and enjoy it. Its been an inspiration to write and hopefully it continues to be a joy for you to read. Every now and then I go back and read old ones that seem to be popular according to stats that google gives me and I suggest for you also to go back and read my older blogs if you have not. To not break tradition I will leave you with this song as I bid you adieu.

_ToDD

Post #24- Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want...

Welcome young and old... thats not going to do... Uhm... Shalom friends, esteemed colleagues, random twitterers, and Mom.... OK look don't judge me coming up with a solid opener is hard work.

For those of you who care I've been doing some work spreading the word about my blog both on Facebook and Twitter. To my surprise it has worked with a lot of success and great feedback! Last post (#23) is the most viewed post in Toddilus history. My blog is read in 10 different countries regularly which I think is pretty cool and also a feasible reason why most other countries think we are crazy... and for this I apologize. So if you are a regular reader spread the word too! I've enjoyed writing this blog mostly for myself for quite some time, I realize that some seek entertainment from it, so for the betterment of both of us I've been trying to increase the quality of both of our experiences.

I'm just going to jump right into this. I gave up Facebook for lent. "What is that?" you may ask. Well, its a huge community of social networkers and most of them post statuses about boogers, where they are, or to try to piss people off. All of which combined make a wonderful experience keeping you in touch with friends and that sort of jazz. Anyway I gave it up. After the twitching and uncontrollable seizures subsided, I realized that i have an awful lot more time to do other stuff like pick boogers and not take 5 minutes to post a status about it... my god thats almost enough time to flick it! See what I mean?.... the possibilities are truly endless. What I am getting at is that since I have had all this extra time, I have been learning the ways of the Twitter. Let me begin by giving some simple translations. One doesn't simply say... "Caught up on glee last night, might spend the day in the park". Silly you. CORRECTION: "Caught up on #glee #whatididlastnight, might spend the day in the #park '@blah blah w/e park it is'" It is also a great way to be seen, so if you have a blog, or some other medium to promote while making relationships with people in the same hobby as you I highly recommend it. That was my thoughtless rambling for today.

As my blog's trend insists that I tell a long elaborated story about someone or something that is either A. easy to make fun of B. something that annoyed me or C. something miserable that happened to me, I will continue as such. As you know yesterday was St. Patty's Day... I am not irish, nor do I particularly care for leprechauns they are creepy. I did however, decide to go out, just as any college aged gentleman like myself would. I got ready in the usual way, Shirt, Pants... typical. Little did I know, I was designing something. I was carelessly pushing aside bad clothing options as I normally do instead of hanging them back up.... which I normally do later. Shoes, shirts, laundry bin- all had been shuffled about my room in creating the work of genius I call- The Robes of Todd. Anyway I left in the usual way leaving any thought of my room behind. Lurking in the shadows behind a heavy wooden door lay what I have come to call- The Machine. It's gears waiting patiently for my return. A single drop of blood rolls down a series of pulleys and sprockets as the opening credits roll. I stumbled back late that night, belly full with a greasy Denny's Skillet (Yum). I could feel each bit of bacon dancing around a sea of cheese covered egg in my belly. Did I mention I don't chew? Like really I just open my mouth and kind of let everything flow in. Right- So anyway. Little did I know it was particularly quiet I could hear each toe bouncing about the inside of my shoes, but I paid it no mind. I place my hand on the door knob, slowly engaging the trap with each moment the knob is turned. I swung the door open and proceeded to enter. Just as I was about to turn on the light it happened. A perfectly placed 8 pack of gatorade, halted my foot from further travel, to which I sought to regain balance. Little did I know the laundry bin had replaced the desk chair and into which I plummeted. Towering like a statue of some hated dictator I fell to the screams of angry civilians. Quickly I regained balance and proceeded to the light clipped to my bed. When suddenly I was attacked! A plastic hanger had somehow attached to my shoe and caught in the leg of the repositioned desk chair. Feeling this I quickly turn around breaking the hanger and throwing the chair sideways beneath my feet. Its legs were much to powerful to avoid especially in the dark. There I lay flattened and defeated.. tangled in the legs of a desk chair thinking "My god... who did this to me?". So after much groaning and my Peter Griffin impression. I went to get up. Cue music... I slowly bring my foot up to push off the god forsaken ground. Weak, tired and sweating my body trembles in shock from what has just occurred. Every bone in my body is broken! (roll with me), one last shot at regaining power is left. With much force I begin to rise from the hell to which I was condemned by an 8-pack of lemon lime gatorade. Only a few short moments between me and redemption! I will rise to regain power of my domain! SMASH! HOW COULD THIS BE? HAVE I BEEN DEFEATED!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Tattered my body falls with a crash back to the ground each bone reverberating as the force of the impact rattles through my soul.... dead. To my surprise I hit my head on the bottom of the desk drawer, which sent me back down for more pain. You may now close the youtube window. Luckily no one really died in the making of that genius literary and musical synchronization. I must however say that I did experience quite a lofty amount of pain. Moral of the story as I am sure it is more than obvious in its telling is to leave with the light on so that you can see when you return... duh.

This is all I have for today. I hope that you are enjoying yourself thoroughly in whatever endeavors you may be on at this point in time. I would also encourage you to leave some feedback wherever it is easiest... Facebook, commenting on this post, or twitter. Thank you guys for reading I hope you enjoyed it and I will see you again soon.

And here's She & Him to play us out.... That doesnt make sense- to play us out? There's no words there... To play us out?! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!? THING SUCKS... Fine we'll do it live... WE'LL DO IT LIVE!

_ToDD

Ps. you may want to refer to this if you have no clue what that was all about ha ha

Post #23- I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm

Hello "readers". I find it rather pleasant to meet you here on this rainy Thursday. I hope in the bustling activity of your spring break you take a moment to read this post. If not its always here when you come back :). I still hear from people saying they haven't missed a single one of my blogs which is cool... I think.

As I mentioned above spring break is here in full swing. Whereas I'm working, you are probably spending your time on the beach, chilling with friends, or cleaning as every spring goer should. No matter what you choose, I hope you enjoy your week off of school. Also remember to cherish the time spent with the people you care about.

On to other things. As I said I've been working and driving the company box truck around. Well, yesterday I was given my boss' credit card and told to fill the tank up and buy shelving from Sam's. I'd like to tell you the story of my Sam's endeavor, but first I warn you. Do not use a credit card you do not know the zip code to, you could end up in jail... as I almost did lol. Luckily I did not go to jail and I was not raped (just seemed to fit). After a "light" snack at Buffet City (fine establishment), I headed to Sam's. Armed with my boss' credit card and his membership card all with photo verification, I casually entered. Now one does not simply walk into a Sam's and pick something off the shelf and take it to the 10 items or less lane and leave with a single bag in hand smiling. Especially when you plan on buying over $1000 in shelving that weight a lot. Everybody knows these rules that Sam's has established and although they pay to shop there they all look pissed. Each shopper is chained to their oversized shopping cart, sweating as they pull oversized boxes of off brand soap, cereal, and televisions by the neck. I saw one old women carrying three 2 gallon jugs of detergent on her head whilst carrying a gallon of Burgundy wine in her teeth (and I don't know if you've ever seen the handle of a gallon of wine... not fun) and in each hand a kitchen set complete with 3 pots, a sauce pan, salt and pepper shaker, and a colander. Impressive. So as I'm dodging the highly choreographed flow of customers I can see the dirty looks as my out of place presence makes people drop towers of groceries. Phew, finally the shelf shelves ( or as most would say- shelving isle). So... what now? TAKE ONE OF THESE TO CASHIER ---->. Oh... I guess I take this to the cashier then. Step, step, shuffle, bow, turn, and Skip! Ok I'm at the register I think I'm actually getting the hang of this. I'm smiling with glee as now certainly everyone can see I fit in. I hand the cashier my tickets. She asks for my membership card and credit card, as I said earlier both have my boss' picture on it- not mine. However, she snatches them both does a series of keystrokes and throws them back. I notice around me the organized flow of employees, as if in a show tune flying about with shopping carts and pallet jacks. She looks at my tickets and says "Ok... OK... Did you tell the guy?". Confused I reply "What guy?... Tell him what?". "That you need this shelving.. you should have told the guy". "Uhh... no? I didn't tell anyone". She says "Ok well now I need to get the guy. You're gonna have to step out of line" So I step out of line and she directs me to sit in the food court out of the way of dancing employees and the series of performances simultaneously taking place. While waiting I fiddle about on my phone. Until I hear a very faint "Sir...Sir... Sir... Sir" in the same monotone tone every time. So I look up. It's my friendly neighborhood cashier... the star of the Sam's show. She has me get back in line cutting 3 disgruntled customers all of which I noticed have 2 shopping carts and at least one crying child. She re-rings me up and then tells me "A colored man would assist me shortly" The 3 customers, each of their crying babies and I snap our heads

back at her in disbelief. To which I responded "ooook?" and then she again told me take a seat. Ugh. Ok so after waiting 20 minutes I realized after zoning out that I've been waiting for a really long time. I look to the large storm door that is the exit. I see my shelving. I guess nobody decided to tell me. So I try to fake the steps to the exit. Hop, skip, whirl. JUMP! and ok I landed right on the market. A studio audience applauses. The lady demands my receipt. She scribbles all over it with a comically large sharpie. She smiles and says "OK. Your all set". "Uhm, I'm gonna need someone to help me load this into my truck" The smile runs from her face faster than a Kenyan. "Well, did you tell the guy?" I let out an audible groan.. "What Guy?". Almost as if on cue people behind me begin running into each other as they all too are landing on the mark a reverse domino effect and the pile grows higher. She lets out a deep exhale and says "I'll get our loading team, just pull around". Trying not to disturb the peace (anymore than I already have) I quickly got the box truck and pulled around to meet the "loading team" two very young kids each dressed like P Diddy. Not to say I have anything against P Diddy or his choice of fashion. I am sure it works well for whatever he does. A career in heavy lifting not so much. However I was fooled, because these kids were more interested in the electronic lift on the truck than helping me lift the shelving into the truck. Each box was at or over 100 pounds each and there were eight. So as two kids worked the single toggle switch of the lift I loaded the shelving. The endeavor quickly went from mildly amusing to extremely aggravating. However, I left very happy I hadn't caused more damage.

Well it is almost time for me to head back into work. Again, I hope you enjoyed this post and you should probably comment so I can hear your thoughts!!! Enjoy the rest or beginning or whatever stage of your spring break your in! Hopefully I can post again before I leave. BYE!

_ToDD

I almost forgot a song!

Post #22- A Todd Original

Blind

Haven't moved on, but rather grew up,

Haven't lost a thing, but rather just gained,

I take numbers, but I just make friends,

Didn't know it was this easy to be happy again.

And although I fought,

And although I pleaded,

You are absolutely not what I needed.

Glad your not here by my side,

because your warmth was hell and I was blind,

I gave you my heart to hold and not to take,

the devil is cold, but a sweater- easy to make,

I don't miss you I miss who I thought you were,

Now its so easy to see what was before a blur.

_ToDD

Post #21- Nobody here can live forever...

Hello everyone (all three people that actual read this)! Bluntly these past couple of weeks have been probably one of the worst major mental mind fucks I've had in a while. Pardon my language. Let's not dwell instead a lighter subject:

About a week ago I was where shopping is indeed a pleasure, Publix. Now don't get me wrong I don't really like shopping at all, but Publix just has a way of making even the worst days some what better. I should warn you though; Today is not one of those days and this story is not one of those stories. They had a special on Kellogg's cereal (yum). Buy one get one free, or BOGO as we say in the bizz. Although, it does not take me terribly long to decide what I want this is for certain, I did not want two of the same thing. I pondered. Well, these frosted flakes are looking really tasty, and these apple jacks are like my favorite... so easy choice. I even formulated a little plan. Since I only 'kind of' like frosted flakes I will eat them first so that eons later when I am finally finished I can dive happily into the box of apple jacks. Basking in the idea of swimming in a large pool of apple jacks and rubbing some under each pit, as years of cartoons has taught me is only appropriate, I finished the rest of my shopping and went home. After many winters, summer showers, presidents, and other such things it was finally time to eat those apple jacks. I stroked my long grey beard with a smug little smile on my face, I set my glasses on the table, grab my cane, and make my way into the kitchen (what?! Its been a really long time!). I let out a little giggle as I stretch my old withering body out over the fridge to reach with... just... the... tip.. of ...my ...fingerrrr Ah! got it ok. Where was I? Oh yes. I slowly lower my old dying geriatric body back to its normal miserably hunched position, apple jacks in hand. I couldn't be happier to finally taste the fine sweetness that is apple jacks, but somethings terribly wrong. This box is much too light! Carefully as to not dislocate my deteriorating superannuated fingers I shake the box. Nothing. Nothing? "NOTHING!!!!" very loudly with a bit of dust protruded from the deepest darkest part of my decaying lungs. How can this be? I struggle to jar awake my crumbling brain. There is no conceivable way I could have picked this box of cereal up off the shelf, put it into the trolly, then on to the conveyer belt with out realizing it was empty. Also the cashier and bagger both would have noticed if it was empty putting it back into the cart. This simply cannot be. Exhausted, I carry my old bones back to bed, defeated. I never did find out who stole my apple jacks and I died there in that very bed minutes later wondering the exact same thing. So after that I bought frosted cheerios.

Moving on. Today's conclusionless part of the blog that everyone skips over is about the shortness of life and unpreparedness of the average human being. Not to get into gritty details, a friend died this week. Maybe we weren't the closest people, but we have hung out together a few times and really the main point is that he was there. Oddly, in some weird way its hard to realize that he no longer is. It's really been a close shot for me. I think this a reoccurring theme of these little blurbs I write. The idea that things come and go in your life. Somethings go and come back and that's good and meant to be and all that. Somethings just don't. So to build on that, this occurrence is something we cannot stop and there is nothing earthly we can do to fix. Its not that we come and go, its about who we are while we are here. So not necessarily in death but even on a smaller scale, who were you to your friends before you you lost contact with them? Who were you to your last significant other, while you still had the chance? Who were you to that random face on a bus you'll never see again? Really think about it. Maybe give someone a call you haven't spoken to in forever, who knows when you won't be able to. Thats all very dismal and gray so lets move on just some thought points.

Tomorrow is a big day for people. V-Day! I hope you made all your purchases and have your script memorized for optimal romanticism and such. I remember kind of dreading the pressure of Valentine's Day, but once it got here I always enjoyed it. This year however, will be a new experience. I've made all my returns and I think me and Mrs. Organizational Behavior book will spend some quality time together ;). I might play some guitar, I've been trying to record a song I learned. Between door knocks and me breaking a pick I can't seem to get the cut I want. Oh well, I would expect to see that soon though regardless. I attached a pic of a text my mother sent me... Oh dear.

Well, glad you stuck around. I think it is great you read this and although I like to think I mostly write this for myself I like knowing people read it, so maybe comment? I mean you don't got to I guess. Here is a song to play me out, just something I was thinking about writing my conclusionless section... lol I may have to come up with an actual title for that section ha ha.

Welp, thats it. Peace.

-ToDD

RIP Chris Gupta

Nov '90- Feb '11