Post #31- GUEST POST- It took me so long to find out, I found out...

Thump, thump,…is this on? Hi my name is Todd. Not the same Todd as the one who usually writes in this spot, but another one.

Before I begin I'd like to thank the Todd that owns this blog. (Does one actually own a blog?) He was looking for guest bloggers and I thought it might entice me to start my own eventually. Although if he was looking for guests, and I accepted, maybe he is supposed to thank me? Whatever.

I'm going to be a smidge older than most of you reading this, and by smidge I'm talking 25 plus years older. Someday maybe I'll do another guest spot and tell all the crazy, cute little secrets about your friend Todd, but not today.

A few nights ago my wife and I went to 30-year high school reunion.

It wasn't the actual reunion, but a gathering the night before the reunion at a local Beef O Brady’s. I never go to the banquet and formal part of the reunions as they tend to be a bit boring and never have enough alcohol there. The turn out at Beefs was amazing and as I pulled up into the parking lot, I couldn't believe the amount of cars outside.

Now if you haven't glazed over at the fact that you may actually survive 30 years past your high school graduation, then come with me as we journey into Beefs....

As we enter, the girl in charge of the reunion is there, handing out name tags "That’s Brilliant" I think to myself. The entry way is jammed with people writing their names, and as I wait for mine I get a squeeze on my arm "Todd! Heyyy!!!" a tall, sort of familiar face of a woman beams a big smile. At this moment, I have no idea who she is, and my brain goes into rapid mode, in the span of 3 seconds my thoughts; shit..... Who is she? How did she know me so fast.... She is so tall..... Her hair is covering her damn nametag.... Buy more time.......

"Hey youoooooo" I say

.... Rapid mode again. Ok she knows me... It's been thirty freekin years.... How can she know ME and me not know her? .... Oh wait, do I still look like I did thirty years ago?! ...... Burst of confidence...... Panic.... is this whole night going to be this way? ........

"It’s Trisha Morgan,” she said, and it was! I remembered, " I know! Trish, you look great" and we hugged. And she did. In high school she was gangly and flat chested, and a bitch! But, very popular, but now she looked great.

Ok, nametag on we trudged on. Handshakes, hugs and high fives, something in my brain kicked in and I started remembering. It was like walking through the halls at school, only everyone was so.... Old. The feeling is hard to explain, especially to a bunch of college age people reading this blog, but it was very surreal seeing old buddies you forgot were your buddies, and girls you thought were hot in high school that were now bugly, fat and old. Poor things. Thank God for the five-beer bucket for ten bucks at Beef’s.

As the night, and the five beer buckets wore on, I started to feel pretty good. I found myself chatting with everyone and having a great time.

I found the guy who was my very best friend since the sixth grade. He introduced me to his fiancé, who was at his side pretending to enjoy herself. She would be his fourth wife. Tim never had much luck with women, he had even dated the woman I eventually married but she could never take her eyes off his best friend, and well, things didn't work out. Anyway, Tim had a cast iron stomach, let me rephrase that; Tim thought he had a cast iron stomach. He would pull up in my driveway to pick me up for school at 6 am drinking a big gulp soda four out of five days a week. It’s really no wonder that Tim's claim to fame was that he once made a grown man vomit, just due to the smell of one of his farts. True story. We had some great times together, however tonight wasn't one of them. He was as boring as a stick.

I moved on, Hey there's Joe Spivey. Had a beard in 7th grade, and back hair!

I see Lil, wow, the hot Cheerleader. Spandex should be illegal or least carry a weight limit.

Nancy looked good, and so did Amy. I don't know that guy. Or that guy. There must be two hundred people in here. Then I thought about the poor bastard that just wanted to get a cold beer at Beefs and wandered into this wrinkle fest!

I leaned back, slightly buzzed and very amused at how the evening had gone.

And then I spotted him; I had no idea I had gone to school with Willie Nelson! Straw cowboy hat, Jean shirt, torn jeans, rattlesnake skin boots that were so pointy there is was no way he could have toes. Totally gray, trim beard. Long gray hair. As I stared at this guy he turned slowly and his eyes found mine. His eyes widened and he raised his hand and pointed a scraggly finger at me.

He smiled a wide, very toothless smile. (In fairness he had one single tooth that hung down lower than it seemed it should) "You old son of a bitch!! " he hollered.

This withered fuck of a man called me old. Correction, hollered me old!! Ouch.

And just at that moment I knew him. Joe Borris. Holy shit, time was NOT kind to this man. He sauntered over to me, hand and scraggly fingers outstretched, for a second I thought he was wearing spurs as his boots kind of scuffed and jangled across Beefs outside wood deck. As we shook hands I marveled at his strong grip, and at the fact his hand was just like course grit sandpaper.

"Todd." he said smiling toothlessly.

" Joe" I said, with a nine beer, flawlessly white toothed, spectacularly perfect smile. "You look great Joe." I lied

"You look like hell" he lied too.

We chatted and laughed and busted each others chops, he said he was a fisherman, had been for 28 years , "look at this" he says as he holds up this giant sharks tooth that was dangling from his neck. (How could I have not seen that ridiculous thing hanging there.)? And I ask him, because he wants me to." so... You saying you caught the shark that owned that tooth?"

"How do you think I lost my teeth? ,came flyin up into the boat."

And for a second the irony strikes me that he traded all of his for one of the sharks, but then he grins and his ridiculous low hanging single tooth shows and I realize...

" Most people believe it when you tell them that Joe?" I ask.

"Most" he says

"It’s good to see you Joe" and it was.

Thanks Dad! Hope you all enjoyed! If you want to do a guest post, please let me know. I've also been seeking out specific people that I think would fit well with what I know you guys would want to read. Thanks for reading!

_ToDD

Post #30- Nobody said it was easy...

Hey everyone! The feedbacks been pointing to the fact that I kind of lost everyone on my last couple posts. Apparently my "poetry" needs work, or the masses don't want to read it, but I wouldn't have known unless I tried. However, some people did indeed like it so, the possibility of seeing more is high, but I don't think I'll do it by itself anymore.

BIG NEWS! As of now I have two different people willing to write in guest blog posts, its something I saw someone else doing and I thought it'd be a fun way to get regular "readers" to contribute to something they obviously spend the time to read. Why not? If you are interested please I invite you to contact me either commenting below or through facebook. However, if

you already know my contact information feel free to send me something anytime, no need to ask or anything, I really do invite EVERYONE so I hope to be overwhelmed lol.

Every now and then you find yourself in extremely embarrassing situations and it's important to use your sense of humor, it is the only thing that can save you...

Whereas this could have ended badly with her original disgust I decided to continue to embarrass myself in the hopes that she'd laugh. She did. I imagine 'at' me not 'with' me, but I'm ok with that. This is when I realized that I am a magnet for odd situations. Disastrous haircuts, angry career advisors, dreams about mob bosses, and the occasional death trap of a room. So I bought a helmet. Problem solved.

It has been so hot lately! I walking to the stadium today drenched in sweat. This is like an across campus hike. No water, and one everything bagel to my name that journey was trying. I was headed to the dreaded Office of Financial Aid. A place I'm not sure why it exists because the absolutely can never help you! Someone on the round table of schools stood up chain mail rattling, and sword clanking against his other more predominate armor.

"Let us create an office that does nothing!" He exclaimed as the others nodded in approval a very noisy wave of clinking echoed throughout the high ceilinged concrete castle walls. So many eons later there stood the useless brain child of some knight from who knows where. ANYWAYS... Skipping the story of frustration from dealing with my nasally friend lets say James from Financial Aid, I will continue from after that ordeal. The hike back from the stadium was about to begin! As if on climbing to Mordor in its burning hot glory, I trekked across campus. When suddenly I came across the most miraculous puddle. It looked cool in the hot sun, animals had gathered to drink, birds were bathing, children dancing and splashing it was paradise! I couldn't wait the urge came over me like a craving for a Snickerdoodle cookie, I could not resist. And then I was like...

Well thats all for me for today, and I look forward to the guest posts and you should too! Glad you stuck around and read what I have to say, it means a lot. Say hi to someone you haven't spoken to in forever someday this week, who knows you may realize why you were ever friends to begin with! :)

_ToDD

Post #29- Lend me your eyes I will change what you see...

It’s hard to say just how I move or how I came to be but I did. From the depths of your body I split away from the rolling and tumbling of organic materials, I passed through a series of tubes, pumps, four way stops, traffic lights, and crosswalks. I shimmied into position and awaited a task so mundane, compared to the brilliance that was the machine that sent forth my existence. I was constructed from biology to display your emotions.

Launched from position I set forth gliding along my brothers and sisters stretched to form your skin. How well they do their task despite your layering and prodding, and your use of chemicals and tools. Your nose forms a slide rocketing me quickly to the corner of your mouth. I greet the masses that form your lips. I realize how rugged they appear doesn't really explain how soft they feel, and I roll on. Little tiny hairs that explain that certain softness in your skin delay my travels. This world is cold and for a moment I wish that things can return to how they once were. However, I know that even as this moment passes and feelings fade what has been done cannot be erased. We live in a world of scars and marks- not perfection. No remedy is strong enough to completely heal any blemish, but one would not know seeing the terrain I've traveled.

I can see more like me exiting from above as I drop from your chin. The air around me bends my form. I'd never guess that all this time to lead up to something so short and sad. Forget not this day it has been my duty to die for expression, a task I will never regret.

_ToDD

Post #28- Hi, my name is Todd....

I have an affinity for feminine music,

I care what you say about me,

I love the idea of commitment, but I usually argue with myself if it's worth wasting my time,

I don't like people who are nice out of habit,

I hate it when people aren't honest, and I rarely do anything that won't also benefit myself.

I'll be one of the best friends you have,

I'm hilarious,

You can rely on me for anything,

I won't tell you what you 'want' to hear,

I wan't you to like me and I'll go pretty far out of my way to make that happen.

You'll get annoyed with my sarcasm,

I like to mess with people I find it entertaining,

I'm stubborn,

I have a lot of friends and about half of them understand me,

I don't understand how to meet girls it just kind of happens, and I think clubs are the worst places on earth.

The worst times in my life wind up becoming my best moments,

I am very well spoken, I just rarely know what to say,

I will surprise you when you get to know me,

I don't fear death, I fear what I'll leave behind,

I Don't really understand the concept of being 'lovesick', but it comes up a lot.

If I go too long without fishing or being at the beach I start to twitch,

I usually bounce between hating myself, and thinking I'm the coolest person I know,

I should get paid for being the devil's advocate, I'd spend the money on a new pair of shoes,

I have a great memory, and bad hearing- together I'll retain as much as anyone else,

This is who I am and I'm ok with that. Who are you?

_ToDD