I mentioned last blog that I had given up Facebook for lent, and managed to teach myself a bit about twitter. In my down time I've managed to read all seven Harry Potter books among almost uncountable other personal achievements. This being said, not to boast of course, but rather instead to warn. Giving up Facebook is a miserably foolish endeavor, one would be more suited separating oneself from their head. People no longer have phones to communicate, they have them to use Facebook. Distancing yourself from it is like distancing yourself from every friend you ever made. Something I can say I have never ever done, keeping in contact and being there for people is something I've always been good at and possibly attached to. Upon learning that I am a person that can be non-dependant on other people, you get to learn a lot about yourself you did not know, and may not like. Unless you are willing to face these demons, I urge you to follow the beaten path. I can say that I have managed to do this "soul searching" with much emotional difficulty. I have however emerged, tired, scarred, slightly tattered, yet remarkably stronger. Coupled with this realization however is a swampy lagoon of doubt, doubt that the decisions made have indeed been for the better up until that point. Almost like realizing halfway through a problem or experiment the formula you've been using is terribly wrong. Life has a way of fixing this and that is the impossibility to change what is done and the requirement, then, for progression. Leaving you with my very vague realization we can now move on.
As I mentioned earlier I was quite ill and am still recovering. Nothing serious just allergies and I can admit that I get them worst than most. Certain throat swelling, congestion both chest and nasal, coughing, and the lack of sleep are all things I can look forward to at least once a year. Sometimes as it had in the past it can indeed lead to other much more serious things that have lead me very close to termination. Although this is not what you may have had in mind, this is one of those occasions. Being in business school like I am, it is a good idea to be exposed to job interviews and other social activities. An assignment was presented to my class in the form of a graded job interview, with formal dress as a must to pass. My swollen lymph-nodes and I chose a lovely blue button down shirt to be accompanied by a grey suit and matching tie. Paying no mind to my physical condition I buttoned up my lovely blue shirt. Blue a color that shows that although I am in a suit I am certainly not intimidating, I am easy to talk to and know my sense of style. I however did not believe it was an omen of very rapidly approaching death. With each button one by one approaching my neck, seemed to hammer in the nails of my coffin. My fingers weakly push the threaded buttons into their appropriated notches. The sound of the plastic roughly rubbing against the fabric was like a sharp sound of The Grim Reaper's cloak sweeping over my extremely neglected, dusty, sticky and crusted kitchen floor approaching my room. Unsuspectingly I continue, extending an open invitation to the taker of life. Carefully as to miss none, I check the mirror to monitor my progress. As if pulling on my own dark black hood of the executioner I fasten the second to last button around my weak sore neck. Having been coughing straight for three days, it can leave noticeable physical differences in ones body: Sore shoulders, neck, abs and back are just a few. Leaving my room and to the bathroom mirror for a more full view I see that I have missed no buttons and it is time to tie my tie. Unknown to me, however a swift cold fell over the room, boney fingers grip the door frame to force the entrance to the place of imminent death. Many times in my life has it lead me to tying a tie. Even now I can remember watching my father as a young boy, in his unbearably stiff shirts and the almost automatic swooping motions of his silk ties as they fluttered gracefully through the air and almost as if through magic lay quite suddenly still. The shape, of a beautifully and meticulously constructed tie. For centuries man has adorned this simple display of status, respect for oneself, and conformity. He was a man like many before him and almost as if in mirror image of him I constructed that exact same symbol. Little did I know, I was not alone in fact my eternal taker was quite near to perform his favorite task of asphyxiating his prize. Like a man with no thought of his actions I sealed my last act in the form of a shirt button waiting to be covered by one of the most coveted aforementioned symbols. At first its effects were not observed. The brain takes time to realize the data shooting in from all areas of the body. The adams apple being pushed into my throat caused quite a common tickle in recent days which caused a rather familiar cough. This uncontrollable cough however positioned my throat in a perfect way that cut off air from my lungs. Immediately as if a man resisting his last wish for death, I frantically try to unbutton my top shirt button. For what seems countless attempts it would not come off. Weakened by a ceaseless cough and lack of air my attempts become much more feeble and then something strange happened. In reaction to this heaving caused by cough and gasping due to lack of air I began to vomit. Crawling to the toilet with one hand tending to my collar and the other grappling to the tile and feet desperately kicking I managed to arrive at my location. A man's last act on earth, is like none I've ever read about. Some say you see nothing but a white light, others a flash of the past, and some say a looming darkness. Nay, on this grave day all that could be seen is the putrid color of my sick, a stinky neglected toilet, and a boney white face laughing at my despair. As far as what was going through my head, well maybe it is right your life flashes before your eyes for some, I however experienced something a little different. My first thought was of what this miserable place would look like when I was found. Would death still be perched on the toilet looking down at my overdressed yet lifeless body? I also thought about how stupid people are going to think that I am that I would button something this tight over my throat and then be unable to remove it. I thought about a zillion times I've gone wrong and knew it, and then thought about the zillion more that I didn't know it. I started thinking about my lasts: Last meal, conversation, thing to make me happy, thing to make me sad. I thought about my last hug from a friend and last kiss from someone I liked or loved. This all soundtracked by the uncontrollable vomiting/coughing/ gasping, and a deep hollow cackling laugh from the reaper that stood before me. In one last fleeting attempt to regain all that was mine my fingers dug at my collar hoping for freedom. Eyes bulging, lungs deflated, throat burning and covered in sweat. In what would be my very last moment I looked up and realized how ugly this bathroom truly was and in turn how ugly death truly was. As my eyes rolled back into my head, it happened. One finger, I always like to think it was the middle, freed my collar from the terrible seal on the letter of my resignation that was my collar button. In an instant it seemed The Grim Reaper himself fled in fear and a burst of oxygen entered my lungs. I stayed knelt over the toilet in my miserably ugly bathroom for what seemed forever. Then I got up continued to get dressed and went to my class- top button undone.
Although I presented that story to you with an air of comedic dramatization, most of it is true. I did almost die for I was cut off from air due to the unexpected tightness of my shirt collar which was probably due to the swelling that takes place due to allergies, and thats my best explanation.
I have more tales saved up for the telling, but that just means you will have to read my next blog. I do not foresee that being too soon, with oncoming exams and moving into a house that I will be living in this summer and next year. I am very happy, however that you came back to read and I love hearing that people read this. I've been very delightfully surprised to hear from both strangers, and friends new and old that read my blog and enjoy it. Its been an inspiration to write and hopefully it continues to be a joy for you to read. Every now and then I go back and read old ones that seem to be popular according to stats that google gives me and I suggest for you also to go back and read my older blogs if you have not. To not break tradition I will leave you with this song as I bid you adieu.
_ToDD
